A New Way to View Our Vices

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Do you have a vice? Many small ones? One massive one? What do you do habitually to release pressure when your system floods with emotion? Grab a bagel? Smoke a cigarette? Call a friend to “vent/gossip”? How long does relief last? Does self-loathing follow? I define a vice as anything I use to detach from…

Notes From a Silent Meditation Retreat

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Friday Evening: I arrive at the Garrison Insitute late afternoon and check in to a closet-sized room. At dinner before the opening program, women near me discuss their concerns about being silent for three days. I wish they would stop talking, but I join in, so they don’t get offended. At 7pm a bell rings, and…

How to Create an Irreplaceable Union

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I love my husband now more than ever. When I used to hear older couples say that love deepens with time, I would roll my eyes and interpret that sentiment as a nice way of saying, “marriage is boring but we are old, tired and less attractive so we say this to make it bearable.”…

Redefining Loyalty: How Loving Opposition Can Help Us Grow

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We all crave loyalty. Associated with honor, loyalty is demonstrated by a “Going down with the ship”, “No man left behind”, “No matter what” mentality. Loyalty is cited in Psychology Today as one of the top three qualities people look for in a relationship. An ironclad contract with no wiggle room, loyalty keeps marriages intact…

The Everlasting Solution to All Our Troubles

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Mid-life, there is no place left to hide. The panic that follows this realization is such a common phenomenon in our society that we’ve named it. Over the years, I’ve witnessed and supported friends in the grips of a “mid-life crisis”. Buried beneath their unlived lives, excavation is an overwhelming prospect. Change comes at a…

Dharma: Bringing Forth What Is Within You

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What is it that you can’t stop being? I’m not referring to your job, your to-do list or your identity as a parent or partner. What are you unconsciously doing or being as you go through your daily routine? What grabs your attention? When do you feel clear and charged like you downed an espresso?…

The Hallway: The Space Between the Comfortable and the Unknown

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Have you gone through a period where you no longer fit comfortably into your life? The old routines, relationships and ways of thinking that used to yield results and fulfillment no longer work? You are confused because you are doing everything right. You feel alone because you don’t know how to describe what you are…

Look for the Heroes

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Last week on Lexington Avenue I witnessed a new breed of hero.  I was walking with my ten-year-old daughter when we heard yelling behind us. We turned around to see a man in a suit cursing at three construction workers. He continued to yell profanities as he walked down the block towards us. One of…

Gratitude: The Best Meal To Serve Your Hungry Ghost

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Gratitude is wishing for what you already have. For most of us, this doesn’t happen naturally. Good news is that our brains can be re-wired. Daily practice carves out neural pathways that will routinely lead us to fresh ways of thinking and experiencing the world. Grateful people are happy ones; there is nothing complicated about…

In My Quest for Meaning I Discovered the Power of Lipstick

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In the name of growth, I have listened to hundreds of hours of podcasts and workshop leaders and I have read countless books, articles, and course material. A month ago, during a walk in the Maine woods, I stopped abruptly in the middle of a Tim Ferriss podcast. I couldn’t absorb another word from well-intentioned people spinning verbose webs to claim a corner of the rapidly expanding personal development business. When…